Migraines…ugh!

Today is one of my migraine days. I am fortunate that they are far less severe in the past couple of years than they used to be. Past migraines have had me in bed for three days at a time as I struggled simply to breathe without inducing pain. Nowadays, I can function through them much of the time. Today is one of those [better] days. On days like today, my food choices involve eating healthy. Bananas and other fresh fruit seem to be things my body craves. And water, lots of water. I  also drink Hibiscus tea, which is filled with Vitamin C and antioxidants…and it’s supposed to be helpful in reducing blood pressure. That can’t hurt a migraine, eh? (I write all of this as I absent-mindedly shove handfuls of Boom Chicka Pop Cheddar Cheese Popcorn in my face…sigh…I really have had a lot of fruit and tea and water today. I swear!)

Writing and Perfectionism

It is late in the day and I am finally feeling up to writing. I’ve had trouble posting here for months. Why? I imagine it boils down to perfection. Either I do not feel as if I have things worthy enough to post, or I feel as if they are not “just right” so I chose not to post anything.

Perfectionism is a bitch. It seems I’ve made her my bitch.

I have a friend who makes a career writing. She blogs, she writes articles for both local and national venues, and she travels for much of the material in her pieces. I have been living vicariously through her for years. All of this is because I don’t trust that what I have to offer is something others are remotely interested in reading. Who am I to post drivel about my food experiences – my life experiences – when there are others out there far more knowledgeable and interesting and adept at doing so? So I silently follow her, imagining myself doing the things she does. I realize the writing world involves very little “J.K. Rowling” and much more “everyday Joe Schmo” but that makes me no less eager to be a part of it. There is a bit of glamor to the everydayness of it.

The past 2-3 years I have battled to get my work on paper. How hard can it be to put a few [thousand] words on the page? Have you ever read an article or a book and thought, “Wow, I could have written that! And better.”?? I’ve had that thought during many a reading. Guess what? It’s not so simple, and certainly not as easy as it often seems. I’ve come to admire those ‘terrible’ writers. They have something I still seek: courage. They put their work out there despite their self doubt, which I am certain they have. I am positive it is what lies behind my perfectionism.

Self-doubt can be crippling. Paralyzing. To my right is this voice telling me to “Go for it, Life is short…Post. Write. Live your dreams!” Then a voice to my left whispers, “You are not good enough. You need to do this more, make that better. Wait a while. Give up.” Why does the whispering voice seem to be the louder of the two? What will it take to stand up to it and listen the other one?

I suppose it comes down to jumping in; trusting – mainly myself. Trust is difficult for me. So here is where I am today: I have been back at work on a novel I began two years ago. I even enrolled in a writing course downtown. I’ve been cooking more. This has also been an area of slowness for me; hence another reason [excuse] for not posting. Anyone out there reading this, bear with me. I have no idea what will come out during this next month of daily postings.

 

 

Just a few bites from our Easter Brunch this morning. I’ve been slow to get back to my posting, something I have been working through in my head. This past week I made the decision to post every day in April, no matter how short the post or how irrelevant the topic may seem to the blog. So here I am, posting – a bit late in the day mind you, yet posting nonetheless.

Our boys are not here with us this year, so we planned on spending the day just the two of us…not a bad thing mind you! However, I do miss the days when our kids were young and awoke Easter morning eager to find their baskets and hunt for eggs. Many happy memories from that time.

Good friends invited us to celebrate with them. I brought a salad to share, as well as the traditional Coconut Cake I make each year. The food was – as usual – amazing. Beef tenderloin and roasted vegetables were included in the feast.  For me the conversation and togetherness were the real icing on the cake. It was a beautiful day.

I hope that whatever your beliefs may be that you had a happy day spent with loved ones. I wish that for all of you, every day.

 

 

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve posted here on Cleansed Palate. The Ultimate Blog Challenge I had signed up for has now finished, though I did not finish with it this time around. I gave it my best shot considering the time constraints I had during the month, and I feel good with the effort I put out for it.

There are a couple of personal projects I’ve been working on in the past few weeks. At the mid-to-end of January time period I participated in a short story contest via NYC Midnight. I only learned of it a few days in advance of its onset, signing up on the final day possible. I had eight days to write a 2500 word (or less) essay. All of the entrants were divided into groups, and each group was assigned a genre, a character, and a subject. Our group’s categories were: historical fiction; an only child; and a test. It was my job to design a story around those parameters. Despite a 4.5 day migraine (note: that was 4.5 days out of the eight) I completed my story. And I’m happy with it. I have no idea what my chances are of proceeding to the next round – there are three rounds total – but I know I did my best.

We have also been entertaining visitors. My in-laws were able to spend ten days with us, a visit we enjoyed immensely. During their time here I cooked up a storm, creating some healthy yet delicious dinners. I will post on a couple of those meals later this week. Just to tease a bit, Pasta Bolognese was on the menu one night. It was an all day affair so I decided to make enough to put in the freezer for later. Mmmm…

The other major project I’ve been working on is my novel. About a year or so ago I began writing a book. I got stuck early on and put it down for awhile (as in: a few months ago). November is traditionally the month for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) and would have been a great time to work on it. It is a time thousands of writers commit to writing 50,000 words in that one month. Fifty thousand words is the equivalent of a small novel, around 200 pages worth of writing. Not a small feat with all I have going on in November.

And I did give it a go. I did what I could. But, well, it was November. And as you know November is already a super busy month for me. There’s Thanksgiving. And pie. And we have a house full of family and company for about a week of that time. And then Christmas season begins and there is decorating that goes with that. So November just doesn’t work for me.

Like I said, I gave it a pretty decent shot. I tried. Really I did. However, I fell well short of the word count, coming in at somewhere around 6,000 words instead of 50,000. But every word counts. Again, as with the Ultimate Blog Challenge in January, I did what I could. There is no shame in trying. There is never shame in trying.

I looked at my calendar and realized that February is my most wide open month. So I did the next best thing: I deemed February to be my writing month. I committed to writing those same 50,000 words from November, only I’m doing it now, this month; February. I have an online NaNo writing group from my July project, and though I may not have the support of the masses who are writing in November, I do feel I have a group I can turn to this month if I have questions regarding how they may have handled something, or if I just need a bit of encouragement to keep going.

I have gotten a little behind in my word count with our family visiting last week; however, I spent much of today cutting that almost in half. I was about 10,000+ words behind, and now I am only lagging by about 5,700. I know tomorrow I have a semi-busy day, so I more than likely will not make-up those 5700 words then. It will probably take me two or three days to catch up, but I am confident I will do so.

Speaking of semi-busy days, my semi-busy day tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. I am planning to make a special dinner for my husband. The menu is still a work in progress, so I’ll have to fill you all in with that later this week. But dessert seems to be under control. La dolce vita, eh?

And that, my friends, is much of what I have been up to during my absence here. Lots of writing, a multi-day migraine, visitors, and tons of cooking. Other than the migraine part, I wouldn’t have it any other way!!