Migraines and Other Life Journeys


Today is one of my migraine days. I am fortunate that they are far less severe in the past couple of years than they used to be. Past migraines have had me in bed for three days at a time as I struggled simply to breathe without inducing pain. Nowadays, I can function through them much of the time. Today is one of those [better] days. On days like today, my food choices involve eating healthy. Bananas and other fresh fruit seem to be things my body craves. And water, lots of water. IĀ  also drink Hibiscus tea, which is filled with Vitamin C and antioxidants…and it’s supposed to be helpful in reducing blood pressure. That can’t hurt a migraine, eh? (I write all of this as I absent-mindedly shove handfuls of Boom Chicka Pop Cheddar Cheese Popcorn in my face…sigh…I really have had a lot of fruit and tea and water today. I swear!)

Writing and Perfectionism

It is late in the day and I am finally feeling up to writing. I’ve had trouble posting here for months. Why? I imagine it boils down to perfection. Either I do not feel as if I have things worthy enough to post, or I feel as if they are not “just right” so I chose not to post anything.

Perfectionism is a bitch. It seems I’ve made her my bitch.

I have a friend who makes a career writing. She blogs, she writes articles for both local and national venues, and she travels for much of the material in her pieces. I have been living vicariously through her for years. All of this is because I don’t trust that what I have to offer is something others are remotely interested in reading. Who am I to post drivel about my food experiences – my life experiences – when there are others out there far more knowledgeable and interesting and adept at doing so? So I silently follow her, imagining myself doing the things she does. I realize the writing world involves very little “J.K. Rowling” and much more “everyday Joe Schmo” but that makes me no less eager to be a part of it. There is a bit of glamor to the everydayness of it.

The past 2-3 years I have battled to get my work on paper. How hard can it be to put a few [thousand] words on the page? Have you ever read an article or a book and thought, “Wow, I could have written that! And better.”?? I’ve had that thought during many a reading. Guess what? It’s not so simple, and certainly not as easy as it often seems. I’ve come to admire those ‘terrible’ writers. They have something I still seek: courage. They put their work out there despite their self doubt, which I am certain they have. I am positive it is what lies behind my perfectionism.

Self-doubt can be crippling. Paralyzing. To my right is this voice telling me to “Go for it, Life is short…Post. Write. Live your dreams!” Then a voice to my left whispers, “You are not good enough. You need to do this more, make that better. Wait a while. Give up.” Why does the whispering voice seem to be the louder of the two? What will it take to stand up to it and listen the other one?

I suppose it comes down to jumping in; trusting – mainly myself. Trust is difficult for me. So here is where I am today: I have been back at work on a novel I began two years ago. I even enrolled in a writing course downtown. I’ve been cooking more. This has also been an area of slowness for me; hence another reason [excuse] for not posting. Anyone out there reading this, bear with me. I have no idea what will come out during this next month of daily postings.